Last night I meditated on Jesus' prayer on the Mount of Olives. Jesus cries and pleads with God the Father: " Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me; yet, not my will but yours be done.’ Then an angel from heaven appeared to him and gave him strength." (Luke 22: 39-44). I feel Christ's pain, his anguish tears at my heart, because you know what you have to do, and your weak will does not want to do it, but it is not our will but His, and as difficult as it is to let go of that control, deep down inside you know that God is there to give us strength, and He will not forsake us.
One morning after a difficult evening, battling the demeantors (depression), I woke up with a song in my head. I didn't really recognize the song, I may have heard it once or twice on K-LOVE, but not one I sing along to at the top of my lungs on the way to work or anything. The lyrics are what touched me, the one verse that was stuck in my head was: "Not for a moment, will you forsake me." I couldn't pin point the song until later in the week when I heard it again, that was when I realized, God had sent me an angel to comfort me in my sleep and sing this Meredith Andrew's song "Not for a Moment."
I now sing it to myself when I am feeling blue and feel like I can't get through the next hour, much less the day.
Christ came to this world to be human, to suffer as humans suffer, to hurt, and hunger, and thirst, and tire, and bleed, as we do. He came to show us how GREAT God's love truly is, that He loved us so much, that he gave his life, the life of his only son, to wash away our sins, so that we may live! And He lives with us, inside us, around us, above us.
So I am reminding myself today, that when I suffer, when I beckon the Lord to do his will, and secretly hope it is the same as mine, Jesus has too. And when I have felt alone and let down by those around me because they have tired, so did He, when the disciples fell asleep at the hour he needed them. Jesus knows my pain, he suffers it with me. I am NOT alone. And not only that, but the Lord answers prayers. It may not be what I expect, but there will be an end, an answer to my prayers. And that is all I can ever hope for.
Thank you God, for your amazing love.