Thursday, April 4, 2013

When a hunch becomes reality

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I was unhappy with the wishy-washyness of my doctor and so I was going for a second opinion. I am glad I did when I did. I spoke to the new doctor who, didn't have as nice bedside manner as my previous doctor, but he was effective and to the point. He told me something my doctor never told me, and I hope that you know this as well, there is a 10 cycle lifetime max to clomid, after that you increase your risk of ovarian cancer, which is already high with people like me, with PCOS. I am on my 8th cycle. I was furious! After all the research and looking up all I could on treatment and things, I never read such a thing. Now, it could very well be that this new doctor is overly cautious, but with a thing like cancer, you can never been too cautious, at least not as far as I'm concerned.

He also told me that I shouldn't have stopped the Metformin, because it helps me have better egg quality and that without it the testosterone creates a harden shell around my eggs, making fertilization difficult. My old doc said that because I was having such bad GI side effects that it was ok to stop. She said studies showed that as long as I was on it for a little it should help. Grrr!!

So he have me two options at this point: Ovarian drilling via laparascopy or IVF. YIKES! Ovarian "Drilling"? It sounded painful and scary, and he said it may or may not work, and that I may end up needing IVF anyway. My husband and I talked it over for a minute and the decision that I thought I would never be able to make, came to me very easily, we are going to do IVF. Hopefully my chances are good, and I will only need to do this once. I have a sort of renewed hope, a calm in my soul with this decision.

Now of course, my doc says, in a means of lightening the mood says: maybe you save yourself 10k and get pregnant this cycle! I appreciated it, but now I am hoping for that more than I ever have. My last chance... at doing this the way I always dreamed. Not with the injections, and the thousand doctor visits, and artificially. I can't get my hopes too high, but at least today, right now, there is STILL Hope.

I don't know how this is going to turn out, and I am still kinda scared. I'm scared of the meds, and the sedation, and keeping my sanity...I dunno what to think about all this. All I can do is pray.

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