I have saved in draft form a post I have been wanting to write about the inspiration of our biblical matriarch and their struggles with infertility, but I just can't work on it today. I am so angry right now. I am angry at how miserable the Metformin is making me, angry at myself for not knowing of other ways of comfort besides food, angry at our culture in gifting horrible sugary foods as a means of reward, angry that I have to be in this situation and that I was dealt this hand in life.
I spent most of the day trying not to think about the stomach and headaches, being focused on work, on other people that need me, on music, when I heard the song "Her Diamonds" by Rob Thomas. I had heard that song a million times before, but I didn't listen until now and the lyric that says "She'll be alright, just not tonight." Yeah...
I go in and out of anger, and I try to systematically figure out what triggers it, if its a certain time of the cycle, or a medication or a conversation, but it seems to always be something different. I can't explain it, I can't understand it, and that drives me crazy.
Sharing for NIAW has been interesting. I feel like people would rather ignore my posts because they don't want to have to deal with it. And that is their prerogative. I have no choice in the matter, and I do have to deal with it, every minute of every day. I just hope that someone somewhere is helped, or thinks twice when in a conversation that could potentially be with a person silently suffering.