Today I started my injections for the IVF treatment. I am usually that person that reads all of the possible side effects and hyperventilates if I see "nausea and vomiting." But this time I was too concerned about my husband having to stick a needle in my arm that I didn't even bother looking at the side effects. But he did great. It hurt more when the medicine was going in than the needle prick but it passed quickly and after a little bit of tummy grumbling (which was probably mostly from the stress) I have been ok and its been about an hour. All modesty aside, I feel pretty proud of us.
I was thinking about hope the other day. A lot of inspirational notes I have read say something about how who you are is more about how you get back up than it is about what pushed you down. It reminded me of the phoenix, it burns up, as hope seems to burn up and disappear month after month, but once I saw that positive LH surge, that phoenix, that hope, is reborn, and comes back to life, and lights up in my heart. Right now, with the treatment and the hope of actually achieving fertilized embryos, of the possibility of life within me, of another heartbeat, it just fills my soul with such light. God, please... give me peace.
On another note, I was surfing FB trying to stay distracted when I read a post from my best friend's husband commenting about her being in surgery and I freaked. She wrote to me the other day to say hi and asked how I was and I told her I was doing as best I could and had put it all in the hands of the Lord, but we never talked about her and I didn't even know she was getting knee surgery. I was so upset with myself. I felt like I was being so egotistical and self-centered that I didn't even bother to ask how she was and if she was ok. I sent her a message through the hubby and a private message apologizing for being self-centered.... its not enough as far as I am concerned and I feel terrible. I will pray for her recovery and try to wake up from this stupor that I feel I am in where the universe seems to revolve around my infertility and try to pay more attention to those who are always taking care of me. R.G. I love you.
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